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Tuesday, November 26, 2024
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Funny
Comedian John Oliver is taking the residents of Canada's capital to task for their alleged extra-marital affairs.
 
The host of "Last Week Tonight" chastised the inhabitants of Ottawa following a report that claimed nearly 190,000 people in the city were members of AshleyMadison.com, a Toronto-based website for people seeking affairs. It was hacked last week.
 
"Let me speak to Ottawa — Ottawa, you cannot let this skeezy website destroy your marriages," Oliver said on his show Sunday night. "Don't take this lying down beneath some mulleted stranger wearing a wedding band. The city council of Ottawa needs to fight back."
 
Oliver, who made a point to note that Ottawa was "known by locals as the city that fun forgot," expressed his surprise at reports about the apparent popularity of the site in the city.
 
"That's half the married population there," he said. "If you live in Ottawa, look to your left, look to your right, both of those people are on AshleyMadison.com and so are you. That's a fact."
 
To purportedly assist the city's residents in staying true to their spouses, Oliver's show ran an instructional video of sorts, which mercilessly poked fun at the city, describing it as a "depressing, frigid sh--hole."  
 
"Lumberjacks turn off your chainsaws, hockey players stop skating for a second, boys, moose you just keep on moosing, this doesn't concern you. This is for the married people of Ottawa, sitting at home, thinking about having an affair. Don't," the video said.
 
"Having an affair is downright un-Canadian," it went on. "Don't have sex with someone else's husband named Gordon. Have sex with your own husband named Gordon. Because Ottawa...is about watching your life float by like so much dirty river ice."
 
Ashley Madison has vowed to hold those responsible for last week's hack responsible for their actions.
 
The website, whose slogan is "Life is short. Have an affair,'' claims it has more than 37 million members around the world.

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