Marriage is the most intimate relationship between two individuals that is built on the pillars of love, trust and shared responsibility.
Loveleen Walia (31) and Tajinder Walia (32) residents of Cloverdale have been married to each other for four years and are of the viewpoint that, “marriage is an instituition in which we learn to grow as a family, let go off negative traits of one another and accept good in each other.”
Canada, a land of diversed cultures, supports both the instituition of marriage and co-habitation, also called as common law marriage and more generally known as live-in relationship. Common law marriage has all the elements common to the instituion of marriage but lacks formal ceremony and societal approval.
Majority of the youth today believe that co-habitation is a good practice to start a relation in order to understand one another before undergoing a lifetime commitment. But co-habitation being a social taboo particularily in conservative societies like India, leads to strained relations between parents and their children due to a generational gap in understanding the new dimension of marriage.
Tanuj Sharma (24), a resident of Vanvouver believes that, “two individuals should live together for few months to test the compatibility, if they can really sustain the life time commitment.” Therefore, co-habitation is used as a trial for marriage.
Windy Long (26) a resident of Vancouver feels that “when two people are in love, their relation doesn’t need to be certified, as for them marriage is just a piece of paper.” She also strongly believes that, “values keep changing and society is becoming more open and acceptable to co-habitation.”
So is the institution of marriage really dissolving? Holly Yager, a renowned relationship counsellor and director of Well Woman Couselling in Vancouver says that majority of the couples these days are in a common-law relationship rather than in traditional marriages. But either way, the desire for a close relationship with a partner is still very much in demand.
From her experience in providing couples therapy, Yager believes that as humans we are hard-wired to be in close, committed relationships. We have basic attachment needs that only a secure, committed relationship with a partner can fulfill. Though Indian couples still appear to value the institution of marriage, their marriages likely look a bit different than from those in previous generations with less traditional gender roles.
To sum up, the institution of marriage is not dissolving but changing. And the key for the sustainability of the institution of marriage is understanding that marriage is a shared responsibility. It is a partnership of equals with absence of dominance over the other and an encouragement to one another in what the other partner aspires to be.
Families and society as a whole need to acknowledge the changing facet of the institution of marriage instead of feeling languished. But at the same time, it is equally important for the youth to understand that finding a partner for marriage lies on the foundation of understanding and accepting each other’s strong and weak points rather than going for trials.
Maneet Bhamra has had several years of customer service experience handling administrative tasks in the corporate sector and as an instructor teaching post graduate students at university level. She loves to write on socio-economic and cultural causes in addition to writing poetry in various languages.
